Relationship Help
Emotionally Unavailable

Emotionally Unavailable

Being emotionally available is something that means you can have a real connection with your partner. This is a trait in a relationship that should be valued and when you know that your partner might not be emotionally available to you, you need to see the signs as they are.

Not everyone who is emotionally unavailable will want to work on their relationship, but you should always be ready to address this. If you find that your partner is not emotionally available to you, getting counseling or therapy will help you before there becomes a problem that is too bit to fix.


When someone is not in tune with their emotions or they are unavailable, it can be hard for them to tell you what they are really feeling. If you ask them how they are feeling they most likely will not tell you that they are angry or frustrated, they will just say that they are fine. They might refuse to express their feelings and not really want to talk about it.


Giving your partner affection can be hard and sometimes this happens for different reasons. If your partner is not really emotionally available to you, this might mean that you have a hard time giving them affection and they also might have a hard time accepting your affection.

If you show them how much you care and appreciate them such as sending them a text, buying them a small gift or something that show you love them, they might be able to receive this but if you are affectionate and they cannot receive it, this is a sign they are not emotionally available to you.

Subject Change

When you have a partner that is not emotionally available to you, talking about feelings can be uncomfortable. Chances are when you bring up feelings, they might walk away or laugh off the subject. This can be because they have been abused in the past or they are a victim of emotional abuse. This can cause you to feel like you are oversensitive or that you are not validated in your emotions.

It can be hard for you to understand your partner and to be happy with them when they make fun of your emotions or when they change the subject everything you want to share with them. Try talking to them about what you are feeling and how it hurts you when they do that.


One of the things that you can ask yourself is if your partner supports you or lets you support them.  If you feel that your partner is not supporting or understanding you, chances are they are not emotionally available to you.

Your partner might be emotionally unavailable, and this could be because of deep issues they have and how hard it is for them to commit to a relationship.


If you are available in your emotions, you can talk about how you are feeling and what something makes you feel. But if your partner is not available to you, they will have a hard time talking about emotions. They might say that they are feeling disappointed, but they say their emotions are separate from them and they have a hard time connecting with them.

When they push their emotions away, this will cause you not to bond.


A person that is emotionally unavailable will want to do more things alone than engage in other things. They enjoy doing things like playing video games or being on their phone. These behaviors do not require them to have to connect with you emotionally or to force them to talk about what they are feeling.

Tell You

Telling someone how they should feel is not a good sign. A partner should support you, whatever you are feeling, and they should see that you need to be validated.

If you tell them you are upset and they tell you that you should not feel that way, they are not able to understand or handle the emotions in the relationship.

Things like this can happen when someone wants to cheer you up but if it doesn’t make you feel better and it creates a distance between you and your partner, you need to tell them. Sometimes, your partner wants to feel disconnected because of their unavailability.

Expressing Emotions

A person that is emotionally unavailable will think that they are sharing their feelings, even when they are not. This is the way that they see and feel things, and this is common for some people.

If you feel that your partner is being unfair or if you are talking to them and they are not telling you ever how they feel, chances are they are not emotionally available to you.

Important Things

If your partner is always trying to avoid things that are important to you, chances are they are not emotionally available to you.

When you ask your partner things, or want to talk about sensitive subjects, if they are unavailable to you, they will avoid the conversation, not text you back or avoid your eye contact. They might even show your body language that makes you feel that they are bored.

These people have a hard time being engaged in things that are emotional because they have a hard time being intimate. This can cause a relationship to be one sided and can cause you to have a hard time interacting in your relationship.

If your partner avoids your conversations that matter to you, it can be hard for you to be close to them.

Their Side

When you are aggravated or upset about something, your partner does not always need to tell you that there is a better side. If your partner is always telling you that, this could mean they are not emotionally available to you.

If you tell your partner that you are upset about something and they say, “You have so much to be thankful for,” this means that they are trying not to have to deal with your emotions.

If you feel that your partner is not emotionally available to you, there are things that you can do to change this. One way is to focus on what you feel like you are missing. If this is feelings, then figure out how to change the conversation and have them open up more to you.

You can also go to counseling or get therapy, and this can help you to connect with each other. Your partner might benefit from the therapy as well and figure out why they are not able to connect with you. When you can admit that you have issues and you need to figure out the problem, this can help you to be present in your relationship and to have someone that is on the same page as you.

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