Relationship Help
Getting Love from a Guarded Person

Getting Love from a Guarded Person

When someone guards their emotions, it is hard to get them to open up to you.  They become anxious and stressed when you talk about feelings.

There are ways you can help them to open up:


The first thing to do is to know your own emotions.  Do not try to talk about someone else’s when you do not know about who you are.  Know when you have to change things in yourself.

Understand Them

Know where someone is coming from that doesn’t want to be open.  Everyone will have their needs met and things will be okay.

Some people need to be validated while others depend on their own selves.

Intimacy Versus Independence

Both intimacy and independence help us to hide who we are.  No one has to be intimate and no one has to be independent.  Both of these things can help us to get our needs met and to make us feel okay about ourselves.

It isn’t about having space or being alone, it is about learning to know ourselves and to trust who we are.  Our space allows this to happen.

It isn’t the goal to take away a person’s space, it is the goal to know them and to get closer to them so you can be intimate.

Being Afraid of Intimacy

No one is really afraid of intimacy.  People want to connect, and it is just a rouse to get you to leave them alone.

  1. Being emotionally drained is a real problem.  When this happens, you have to love yourself and get your energy back.
  2. When someone lets other people in and leaves you by yourself, this can be hard, especially when you are relying on them. Sometimes when people are afraid of intimacy its because they are afraid that someone will do them wrong again.


People that try to distance themselves are guilty of violating the comfort zones of others.  Some will want to hide their feelings, and some will want to push intimacy.  The violation is no different.

Don’t try to get your needs net by trying to make someone love you.  You have to let them appreciate you and vice versa.  You have to understand what people want in life and respect it.

When Someone is Guarded

When you are with someone and they are guarded, you need to get them to feel that things are okay.  You want them to tell you that things are okay as well,  You need to know this or you will be fearful.

Love does not mean all of your needs are met; love is when you meet the needs of your partner.  You have to understand them in order to meet their needs.

People want to know that they are safe to be around you and that you can listen to them and not judge them.  They need to know that you are pure and that you are able to understand them.

Don’t demand someone communicates with you.  Ask them what they are feeling and see if they want to talk but don’t over push it.

You want to be reassured that things are okay, and someone cares about you but when you are demanding this, you will cause them to resent you.  If you want real love, let it happen on its own

Don’t allow them to be independent and then excuse them and satisfy their needs.  Make them meet our needs to.

When They Open

When someone opens up, don’t be pushy.  Allow them to say what they want.  Don’t assume that they will always be open just because they were this time.

When you feel intimate, you will be pushy, and you need to make sure you are not making them uncomfortable.  Make sure that you have the right time to talk to them.

People will want to talk to you with little risk so make sure this happens.  Let things become natural and start to open up and become vulnerable.  Lighten their feelings and emotions and don’t give them more to hold on to.

Share small things with them from the beginning and don’t say too much emotional things.  Don’t use things against them that they tell you when you fight and don’t make them feel insecure.  Don’t tell others what they told you and don’t give them more things to worry about.

Make sure that the communication is positive and that they are happy with your responses.


If you want to be intimate with someone, you have to sell yourself on intimacy.  You have to be able to allow others to meet your needs and you to meet theirs.  You must be trustworthy and easy to talk to and not shut them out emotionally when they tell you things.

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