Yes, you can love someone without wanting romance. A close friend may be the person you call when something good happens. You might choose to share a home with someone, raise a family together or build a lasting partnership without either of you experiencing romantic attraction.
What love without romance can look like
Love shows up in the way you pay attention to each other. You remember what matters to someone, show up when you’ve said you will and give them space to make their own choices. Those habits matter in a friendship, a family relationship or a romantic partnership.
Some aromantic people experience little or no romantic attraction. Their preferences about dating, physical affection, sex or commitment vary from person to person. Some people choose a committed partnership outside the usual categories of friendship and romance. Other people prefer close friendships and separate households. The people involved get to choose the words and arrangements that suit them.
Talk about the relationship you actually want
Even when two people say “I love you,” they may picture different kinds of closeness. Talk about what each of you means before planning your lives around an assumption.
- Time together. How often would you like to see each other? How much time do you each want for other relationships and interests?
- Physical affection. What feels welcome? Do you want to check in about hugs, holding hands or sharing a bed?
- Commitment. Are you talking about regular plans, living together or being each other’s emergency contact? Which decisions would you make together?
- Change. When something starts to feel different, how will you bring it up?
Try saying, “You’re important to me. When I talk about being close, I’m thinking of spending time together and being there for each other. What does being close mean to you?” Give each other time to answer. Practical commitments can be agreed one at a time.
When one person wants romance
It can hurt to discover that you want different things. Listen to what the other person says about their feelings and treat a boundary as settled unless they choose to raise it again. You can care about each other and still decide to see each other less often or take some space.
Check in with yourself too. Can you enjoy this relationship as it is today? Are both of you free to ask for what you need and say no? Support can change with illness, disability or a difficult week. What matters over time is whether each person’s needs and choices are taken seriously.
While I agree with some points, I find it hard to digest the idea that one should not seek a nurturing partner. Aren’t we all looking for someone to help us grow? Isn’t that what love is supposed to do?
‘Love is not about parenting’—great point! Yet, many people unconsciously seek out those parental figures in relationships due to past experiences. This article highlights an important psychological dynamic often overlooked.
The article does a decent job explaining modern relationship dynamics but misses key emotional elements. Love can be messy, and expecting it to be tidy isn’t realistic. Let’s embrace the chaos instead of shunning it!
‘Learn to let go of childhood views’—easier said than done! Childhood experiences shape us profoundly; it’s naïve to dismiss them so casually when discussing love. Relationships are too nuanced for such generalizations!
This article is incredibly simplistic and doesn’t capture the complexities of real relationships. Love can’t just be boiled down to rules and responsibilities. Sometimes, emotions defy logic, and that’s okay.
The author provides an interesting framework for understanding love. The distinction between healthy partnerships and unhealthy dependencies is crucial. Learning to communicate openly is indeed fundamental for a lasting relationship.