Can You Love Someone Without Romance?
When people imagine what love is, some people think that romance means that you will see Cupid holding his arrow and you will see hearts floating around or cute little images that mean love. We have all even heard the story of Cupid that shoots his arrow and wounds you so that you can fall in love with the person that you see. The truth is this kind of relationship never works and would always end in disaster.
If you learn to take responsibility for who you are and for your own love life, you will find that you would be able to find relationships that are not out of control.
When you become obsessed with someone that is not interested in you, it causes you to feel that you are worthless, and it puts you in a situation where you are not able to keep yourself safe or you end up in relationships where there is some kind of abuse.
When you are in a relationship with someone that you hope will love you and you find out later that they don’t, it can cause you to feel sad, depressed, disappointed instead of full of love and hope.
Idea of Love
Love is something that people do not always look at with a clear mind. People always expect love to be something that it is not. Here is what love should be like:
- People that are together should help to take care of each other’s needs and to be there to make life better.
- Partners should bring happiness to each other.
- Partners should want to have their partner and should feel one without losing their own ideas and goals.
Some people have a dependent image of what love is and they think that when they hear poems or other statements of love, that it is what love looks like and that is not true. Some people think that love should look like this:
- Love you no matter how you act.
- Be there all the time for you.
- Know exactly how to fix you.
- Know what you want even when you have no idea what you want.
- Put their needs over yours.
This picture of love looks good and seems great but if you are in this kind of relationship, you will never make it and it will end with people being bitter and feeling neglected and unloved. This kind of relationship is fake and would never last.
This idea of love leaves relationships being messed up and a great idea to start as love is to have some ground rules in the relationship. Some great rules include:
- Being able to talk about things even if it is upsetting.
- Talking about things and solving them together.
- Learning to control your behavior and being able to have a real conversation.
When you have different ideas of love and fantasies about how love should be, you have to not be looking for a parent in your romantic life. You have to be responsible for your own self and not expect your partner to always take care of you.
We all want someone in our life that we can be romantic with and who we can take care of. We should never expect someone to become our parent and to try to take care of us or fix all of our problems.
Some people come from bad family lives and so they look for someone to substitute the parental ideas that we had, but this will just cause the relationship to not work.
If you find that you and your partner always are fighting or you are not happy in your relationship, you need to find out if you are equal.
Model of Love
Learn to let go of the views that you had of your childhood and stop basing your past on what your love life should look like.
You must become mature and you have to learn to care and give love in an equal way. Do not try to control your partner to be overly needy. Doing this will cause you to have a low self esteem and to cause your relationship to be unhealthy.