Relationship Help
7 Ways to Know to Know If You Are in a Gaslighting Relationship

7 Ways to Know to Know If You Are in a Gaslighting Relationship

There are people who are in abusive relationships and don’t even realize it. The abuse may not be physical, but is focused on mental or emotional manipulation. Those in these types of relationships think because it isn’t physical abuse that it is an acceptable relationship.

Relationships take two people to make work and also require two people to fail. When a relationship partner throws all blame onto one person and that person takes it, it becomes dysfunctional and even abusive.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting takes many forms but, in general, it means that one person is making another believe something that isn’t true. In the case of relationships, it refers to one partner making the other partner feel as if all the problems of the relationship is their fault.

This can happen to both men and women but women are more suspectible because culture teaches women to be sacrificial and people pleasers. Generally, the partner that really wants to please others is the one most vunerable to this type of abuse.

How to Know if You Are Being Gaslighted

There are a few signs when gaslighting is taking place. Most aren’t that subtle and an objective observer will be able to spot quickly. However, those in a relationship tend to not be objective and have a hard time seeing it for what it is.

Here are eight signs that gaslighting is taking place:

  1. Your partner blames you for their chronic bad mood and it seems that nothing you do is correct in their eyes.
  2. They keep telling you that your gut and reasoning is wrong, even though you have no reason to doubt it. When you insist, they tell you things like you are crazy or acting irrationally.
  3. They are overly criticial but may do it subtly and as if they are trying to help you. They like to comment on little flaws about your appearance.
  4. Your partner tells you regularly that you are being too demanding or unreasonable even when you make a small request. Every request of them turns into a challenge.
  5. You hold back on everything because you are fearful that you will upset your partner and make them angry.
  6. You don’t want to ever confront them about their behavior because you feel they will end up blaming you.
  7. They blame their bad behaviors on you and never accept responsibility. If they cheat, lie, drink or can’t control their anger, they say it’s because you aren’t doing what they want or expect.

Those who continue in this type of relationship will eventually become convinced that you are the problem in the relationship. After a while, the gaslighted partner will feel like they aren’t worthy of love or even worthy of their partner. They are coaxed into believing they are lucky to have this person in the life because otherwise they would be alone.

These types of thoughts only work to keep the person in the abusive relationship because they become fearful that life can be better if they left. They believe they aren’t worthy of any better and should feel grateful for what they have.

This is no way to live. You can escape this type of relationship when you realize that you aren’t the only one who contributes to the relationship either positively or negatively. When you realize that you are worthy of love and happiness and deserve respect in any relationship, decisions to make changes become easier.

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